When we were children, we were always addressed in a plural form as “they” or “them”. “Would they like something to drink?” Or “How are they?” The individual was usually not addressed. Starting from that point, a habit developed that we also responded in the “we” and “us” form. “We’re not thirsty!” Or “We’re fine!”. Those around us didn’t know about the consequences for later life. When twins are always addressed in the plural, they think and act as a twin unit.
In the end, life is always thought, planned, decided and lived for two! If identical twins cannot see themselves in the first person, it leaves a mark that influences their lives as teenagers and adults. And as I, Jennyfer, write this article, I am writing our story in the “we” form. As long as I’m aware of this and I continue to stay with myself as an individual, I don’t lose myself in this we-construct.
Twins and their siblings
Can I speak in the first person in the presence of my twin sister? In previous conversations with others, I always remember replying, “Our parents” or “our siblings…”. It felt strange when my twin sister Jessyca stood next to me and I spoke of “MY parents or MY siblings”. After all, it’s her parents and siblings too, aren’t they? But if our siblings each spoke of “MY parents”, that was ok. How does that fit together?
Actually not at all! Because they were seen as individuals from an early age, while we and some other twins grew up as a twin unit.
The fear of being left alone
The more I spoke in the we form, the further the distance grew from my own self. And as soon as my twin sister spoke of herself in the first person, I felt left out, rejected, or no longer wanted. It was the same with her. This was the seed to fear. The fear of only finding a home in the “we” or “us”, or to put it another way: fear of being left alone, of loneliness in it’s most frightening way. I wouldn’t know what to do alone. Alone I wouldn’t know who I am! Alone, everything would have little meaning in life. Alone, each of us only felt 50% complete. For many years this fear had the upper hand. The fear that made us believe to only be able to (survive) as a twin unit! And that because of one word: WE!
Re-programming the twin unit
The first step was to realize that this feeling existed when my twin sister or I spoke of us in the first person. Afterwards, we started to get more and more familiar with this feeling to finally transform it into an empowering pattern. Affirmations, new habits that strengthened our individuality and the mutual exchange helped a lot. As writing is a powerful way to reshape your focus, change perspective or raise awareness, we wrote about whatever came to mind. Each sentence began with “I am, I have, I can”. We even practiced in front of the mirror. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror, looking directly at myself, and speaking out loudly, clearly and distinctly those phrases that began with “I am, I have, I can.” How did I feel about it? At first I certainly felt a bit silly, but at some point I felt empowered. My heart was pounding, I felt strong. I practiced daily and re-programmed my subconscious mind from a twin entity to a twin individual.
We both also talked to those around us to also change their habits. We pointed out that we wanted to be addressed by our respective names Jennyfer & Jessyca. This usually led to an initial irritation which transformed into understanding as the process progressed.
From we to me!
Even if we have so many similarities, have the same feelings about many things or have the same opinion – one thing remains clear: when I speak about something, I speak out of my perspective, my experiences and my memories! Of course, I may have experienced this together with my twin sister. There are always images, ideas, smells, feelings and memories of my own in my heart and my body cells, which differ in detail from those of my twin. Every twin must be aware of this if he or she wants to be seen as an individual! From our point of view, this realization is a fundamental step to get from “we” to “me”. At the end it’s about being able to feel 100% enough on your own!
If you would like to find out for yourself how you can strengthen your individuality as an identical twin, then please contact us at info@twinsessence.com or browse the website for anything you might find useful.
Your twins
Jennyfer & Jessyca!